Tissues and Toilet Paper

This morning I diverted my truck route to head to my mother's house. I dropped off a frozen turkey -- one of the contractors gave it to the Boss, but I'm serving him Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow and had already acquired a bird. So it went to the freezer, and the trip also gave me the chance to pick up a pan for the turkey.

When I pulled up in the truck, a strange looking bird of a type I had never seen before came up alongside me and pecked at my sneaker. It followed me around the house and to the porch. I suspect it would have followed me inside, had I opened the door for it.

"Hey, Mom," I said, "There's a strange bird outside following me around."

"I've seen those. There's a whole family of them. Are they pheasants?"

"I don't think they're pheasants. I think it's a wood grouse."

I have no idea why I thought it was a wood grouse. I've never seen a wood grouse before.

When I walked back outside, the grousebird was waiting for me. It followed me to the front yard and I sat on a rock and tried to pet it. It sat next to me, within a foot, but would protest and peck at my hand if I tried to pet it.

I went to the front door and opened it and asked my mother to bring me something for the bird to eat. She brought me an old cylinder of Quaker oats.

I put some in my hand and offered it to the bird. It ate some, and looked angry. It bit me hard in the finger, but not enough to break the skin.

As I drove away, the bird stood in the driveway, craning it's neck, protesting. It looked lonely and sad. I think it thought I was its mother.

*

Jess had to bring the Dufflebag to see his Dad tonight. While she delivered the boy, I sat on the couch playing Gears of War 2.

At some point, the door opened. "Oh shit," I thought, "Jess is back already." I was supposed to finish the shopping for Thanksgiving and pick up some tissues and toilet paper before she got back, and cursed myself for losing track of the time.

A strange, tall, pale white man entered the house.

He looked at me, casually.

"This isn't Adam's house, is it?"

"Nah." I replied.

He looked around.

"Hey, is that the new Gears of War?"

"Yep."

Bear in mind, I was wearing a headset and playing a live game with Macarena.

"Is it good?"

I had been drinking Dogfish Head 90 minute I.P.A.s and felt a little woozy. "Yeah, it's . . . it's . . . great. I really like it."

"Okay," he said, and went back into the night.


*

Addendum:

I googled the noble wood grouse, and it looks nothing like the bird I saw. I did take pics from my cell phone, and will post tomorrow.

The curious may find the true wood grouse here.