The Great Slappy Rescue

I'm in the crowded North Andover Starbucks. It's in a strip mall. Cars bomb in and out, and everyone honks at each other even though it's nearly impossible to start backing out of a space with full visibility. The whole place has the air of barely restrained chaos. Two old guys with stroller are sitting next to me. They keep tell each other to fuck off. One claims to be pushing 100. One of them knocked my bookbag over on his way to the table and he looked down and cursed at my bag.

*

I bought lunch at Fuddruckers -- a place that reminds me of the restaurants in Idiocracy, an underseen and underappreciated film. I've never been there before. It's a burger bar. There were lots of kids inside, so that getting a burger and putting a little ketchup and a few pickles on top took nearly fifteen minutes. I suspect it's a good place to take a kid, assuming you don't mind preloading his arteries with fats. Get 'em started young!

Aside from not knowing where else to go -- not familiar with this part of the state -- I got burgers because I figured it was a sure bet for the hungry dog.

She sat on my lap and we ate together. She seemed grateful.

My laptop battery died and I still have half an hour before Jess gets out of the movie so I can hand the dog over. I just wanted a little more juice for the laptop, so I bought a coffee and I'm here now, writing.

One of the old guys breaks the silence. "We're here now. Dot dot dot. I don't see nothing happening."

I wonder if he's mocking me, the writer. He seems to be looking at me.

I cranked the heat in the Hyundai for Slappy. I need to get back out to her soon. We'll sit together in the car, with her on my lap, and I'll finish my coffee and start reading the Percy book.

*

An angry customer is at the counter. I hear her say: "Well, you should hang a sign up!"

"We can't hang up a sign about that," the worker says. The staff look tired.

The old guys are drinking their coffee and eating Sun Chips. They seem more at ease with each other, now that they're settled.

"Is that coffee strong enough for you?"

"Not as strong as you, my friend."

It's a compliment and they both laugh.